Be Alone, Not Lonely
Nazar – The Power of Keeping Things to Yourself
In the Indian culture, there is something called ‘nazar’. It is something like a ‘bad eye’, you could say. Whenever you are doing something great for your life and things are finally looking uphill, and then you decide to tell someone about it, they will end up going bad. As meaningless as these superstitions are, I choose to believe in them as it gives me a reason to be a man of my own
I can give you an example of my personal life. It might or might not be ‘nazar’.
My mother, who had finally gotten a promotion in her career and advanced in many expects of her life, decided to tell my grandparents about her achievements. However, the time that they spent in my home they constantly talked negatively about our family and cursed my mother for everything that went wrong. Soon after, my mother got breast cancer and battled it for 3 years.
It might not be ‘nazar’, but it is an example of how it is much better to keep things to yourself instead.
In this wretched world, there is almost nobody that wants to see you better than them, apart from your mother and father. Everybody will have some motive. this is also why you will see that those who hate on you are rarely better than you. Hatred stems from jealousy.
In the Indian Culture, there is a concept known as Nazar, often referred to as ‘evil eye’. It is believed that when one is on the verge of success, about to achieve something meaningful, and decides to share their triumphs with others, misfortune may soon follow. While such superstitions may seem baseless, I choose to hold onto them, as they offer me a deeper sense of independence and personal resolve.
Allow me to share 2 anecdotes, which may or may not be attributed to nazar.
Firstly, my mother, having recently received a well deserved promotion in her career and experiencing a significant upturn in various aspects of her life, decided to share this milestone with my grandparents. However, during their visit, they constantly expressed negativity about our family, casting blame on my mother for every misfortune. Not long after, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, embarking on a difficult battle that lasted for 3 years.
Secondly, in 2022, I was in peak form, both physically and mentally, having built a physique I was immensely proud of. However, I made the grave error of sharing my accomplishments with everyone I encountered, boasting about the physique I had worked so hard to achieve. Just two weeks later, I found myself lying in a hospital bed, stricken with acute appendicitis. I was forced to take a six-month hiatus from my workout routine.
Though one might argue that this not necessarily nazar, it serves as a poignant reminder of why it is often best to keep one’s triumphs to oneself. In a world so tainted with bitterness, there are few who wish to see others flourish beyond their own accomplishments – perhaps only parents, who love us unconditionally. For most others, there will always be an underlying agenda, and thus, it is no surprise that those who harbour resentment or hatred towards us often find themselves in a position that is, ironically, worse than our own. Hatred, after all, is rooted in jealousy. By keeping to ourselves, we protect our mental space, allowing us to stay focused on our path without being distracted by others negativity.
In summary, negativity from the outside world while you desperately fight your personal battles will definitely hinder your success. It is much better to keep to yourself. If you are working, keep it to yourself. If you started a business, keep it to yourself. If you got a scholarship, keep it to yourself. Trust me, the benefits are more noticeable than you think.
How to Stay Alone, But not feel lonely
Before I begin this section, I know many of you may be wondering: “Why would I want to limit my social interaction or isolate myself from the world? Isn’t socializing an integral part of the human experience?” And you are absolutely correct. Socializing plays a significant role in our lives, and sometimes, withdrawing from others can do more harm than good. However, what often goes unnoticed is how social interaction can become a major source of distraction, particularly after the age of 15. For many, it diverts them from their true goals and impedes their progress. While socializing in itself is not inherently bad, it is something that must be managed with care, especially if you’re aiming for greatness.
Solitude can be a tool for increased focus and productivity. It allows us to think deeper than we usually would. When we are constantly surrounded be people, social media notifications, and the noise of everyday life, it becomes difficult to concentrate on the tasks that truly matter. Every time we engage in social interactions, we are giving away small portions of our mental energy and time. This can possibly divert our attention from success, and our goals. By embracing solitude, we can engage ourselves in deep work, which is essential to master whatever it is that your working on.
Being alone but not feeling lonely has strong ties with achieving self fulfilment – being happy with who you are for who you are, and not having to seek external validation from others just to feel enough.
Personally, one of the most basic methods I think to achieve self fulfilment is to keep yourself busy. Develop new hobbies, learn new skills, do whatever it takes to ensure that you are not idle during the day. Limit your idle phone usage as much as possible. Plan your day such that you rarely find yourself lying on your bed using your phone for unproductive things such as social media. Learning new things also triggers brain to release dopamine, which gives you a feeling of positivity and fulfilment as well.
Expanding on dopamine, to achieve self fulfilment it is vital that one changes real dopamine instead of artificial dopamine spikes triggered by instant gratification (such as by scrolling on social media, junk food, etc.). Real dopamine refers to natural, intrinsic rewards and experiences that produce genuine feelings of pleasure, satisfaction and motivation such as learning something new as mentioned above. Another way to chase real dopamine is being physically active, eating healthy, creative work and even helping others, all of which promote long term growth and happiness.
Once you experience the satisfaction of real dopamine, you’ll begin to notice how much more rewarding it is to work on yourself and pursue your personal growth. You’ll stop feeling the need to constantly share your progress with others for validation. Instead, you’ll find fulfilment in your own achievements, and the desire for external approval will fade.
Note: one of the biggest signs that you need to achieve self fulfilment is the if you are stuck in the Social Media Trap. You can read more about it in my other post, titled “The Social Media Trap”.
Note: Read more about Dopamine and its effects on the Brain in my other post, titled “Dopamine”
Conclusion
In conclusion, keeping your successes to yourself, especially when you’re working toward something important, protects your energy and allows you to stay focused on your goals. It’s better to keep things private, because most people—aside from your parents—don’t want to see you succeed. They may unknowingly (or knowingly) hinder your progress with their negativity or jealousy.
However, embracing solitude doesn’t mean being lonely. It’s about using time alone for self-reflection, growth, and achieving self-fulfillment. When you’re content with who you are and what you’re working toward, you won’t feel the need to seek validation from others. You’ll become more focused, productive, and empowered, moving steadily toward your goals without being distracted by external opinions.
By learning to embrace solitude and focusing on real dopamine, you can turn isolation into a source of strength and personal growth. It’s not about being lonely—it’s about becoming the best version of yourself.
